It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I touched a dick in church today
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
