Please don't use social media to get back at me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
