Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
