i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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