people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
