I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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