pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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