Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
