I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
