He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
