remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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