You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
