I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
