You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
