every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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