I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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