Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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