Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
