im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My penis needs a shock collar
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
