walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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