Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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