how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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