Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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