I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
