Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think my vagina is haunted
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
