I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
