i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
