I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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