Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
