The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
