I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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