I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
