you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
