i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
