I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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