No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
