I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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