Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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