were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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