I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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