I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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