My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
