my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
His nipple licking is glorious
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