Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
