yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
