Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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