So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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