He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
