It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
