i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
