remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
