He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
